“But I’m only here until I figure out what’s next. Why should I bother doing anything with it?”
“This isn’t where I’m going to be long term, so I’m not going to invest any energy into this place.”
“This place isn’t me…it’s just where I have to stay until I get on my feet again. It doesn’t make sense to make this place look nice.”
Sound familiar? I hear comments like this all the time from people going through separation and divorce. You’ve moved out of the big and beautiful home where you raised your kids and spent your married life. Suddenly you’ve found yourself in a much smaller place, maybe it’s not as nice, feeling out of place in a home that doesn’t feel at all like “you.”
The common impulse that a lot of people, just like you, have in this situation is to not do anything to make their temporary home nice. They say, “Why bother decorating, making it cozy, putting any time or money into it because I’m going to be out of there at some point?” And yes, it’s likely that you will move into a different home as your life takes shape again.
But, I urge you to hear me out on how biiiiiiiiiig of a mistake it is to not make your temporary home as cozy and beautiful as possible. Taking the time to make this home, the very one where you are right now as comfortable and nice as possible is key.
Let your home heal your life.
Here’s the deal. Your home, whether you will be in it for several months, several years, or the rest of your life, can help you heal your life, if you let it. Even if you are just passing through this home on the way to a better one, it’s essential to put care and attention into this one because it’s really a metaphor for the care and attention you put into your own life. And I can’t think of a more crucial time than now to give yourself as much care and attention as possible.
When your life is turned upside down, you need a home where you can return at the end of a chaotic day and really unwind. You need a place where you feel completely comfortable. You need a place where you can take deep breaths and process all the emotions and changes you’re going through. You need to be held by your environment. And if you’re just waiting to heal and be held by the next house, after all the chaos has passed, you’re missing a huge opportunity to heal yourself now. And wouldn’t you like to feel better now? Wouldn’t you like to have more peace and less stress now? Here are five tips to help you make your temporary home a place that will help you heal your life:
- Express Yourself: Put some art on the walls, hang pictures, paint a wall your favorite color. Showing your true colors in your temporary place will remind you of who you are—so important when your identity is in such a dramatic shift. If money is tight, check out thrift stores, yard sales, or make your own decorations!
- Get a Plant: Plants are symbolic of growth, care taking, life, and hope. Get a new plant that represents your journey through separation and divorce. Take as good of care of that plant as you would a child. Love it, talk to it, and make it happy. This loving care will rub off on how you treat yourself.
- Invite Friends In: It’s common to feel shame or embarrassment at your temporary dwelling. Maybe it’s not as high quality, not as big, or not as well decorated as your last place. For many, there can be a tendency to want to hide it from others. Please don’t—share it! It’s likely that your fears about what people will think of it are just that—fears. Having your friends in your space will spruce up your home and strengthen your circle of support, both of which are so very important right now.
- Set up a Home Altar: An altar is a power spot in your home that will reflect an intention for what you want in life. Create an altar in your home that represents your healing journey through separation and divorce or one that supports your intention to feel support and love during this tough time. An altar can be on a table, counter, or any surface. Some things you can include: a candle, a photo, a flower, a beloved object, an inspiring quote, a beautiful stone, or a special cloth.
- Keep it Clean: I know, cleaning your house may not be a top priority right now. However, know that it represents more than that. Taking good care of your home is really a metaphor for taking good care of yourself. The way that you put love into your home is how you put love into yourself. If you respect and honor your home, you will receive that same respect for yourself, which will make this journey you’re on just a bit easier.
Remember, that in the larger scheme of life, all of our homes are temporary. We never really know how long we are going to be in any home. Given this, take good care of yourself and take good care of your home right now, in whatever home you happen to be in. I assure you that doing this will add so much support to your healing journey. It will bring your bright new life that much closer.
Are you recently separated or divorced and living in a place you know you won’t be for the long haul? How is this going for you? How are you making it “yours?” What have you done to fill your temporary space with good energy? Please comment below!
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