In the midst of all the chaos in your life right now, one thing remains true. Your kids are your priority and you’ll do whatever it takes to help them make it through the separation or divorce. You’ve probably read the statistics about how hard divorce is on kids. It is, but there are ways of helping your children stay as confident and secure as possible throughout it.
And their bedroom is one place to start.
Given the separation, it’s likely that your child is suddenly going to have two bedrooms: their old familiar one, and the new one at their parent’s new house. In both homes, the way your child feels in her bedroom(s) is a metaphor for how she feels in the world. The divorce is going to turn her world upside down. Her bedroom can be a place that supports and holds her during this wild time. Think of it as a security blanket that will wrap around her and protect her through the storm, a place that will heal and soothe her from the stress of the separation.
Clues that your child may not feel supported by his bedroom: he doesn’t like playing or being in it, it’s always messy, he doesn’t invite his friends into it, he doesn’t want to sleep in it, it’s outdated, or it’s full of clutter. If you see any of these dynamics, it may be time to have a conversation with him about his room so it can become a place that supports him rather then keeps him stuck in a painful past.
Here are seven tips that will help you create a bedroom sanctuary for your child:
- Use your separation/divorce as an opportunity to refresh/redecorate your child’s old room or create a new room from scratch. Reflect with your child that when one thing changes in life, lots of things change. Refreshing or redecorating her bedroom can symbolically help her move into this new phase of life with more grace. Most importantly, let her be the director of the process (see number two). Use your intuition about when your child is ready to do this. When so many other things are changing in her life, she may need more time to process other changes before making this change.
- Talk to your child about their bedroom. Let your child be the director of what he wants his bedroom to look and feel like. Ask your child questions like, “What do you like about your room? What don’t you like? What do you wish we could change? What colors do you wish were here? What is your dream bedroom?” Be a great listener, and as much as possible, keep your opinions and ideas on the backburner for now. When your child can freely express his own ideas, his confidence will grow. As much as you are able, take action and help your child create the room he wants.
- Clear out clutter. Having old and unused toys and belongings in your child’s bedroom will make the energy feel stagnant and depressing. And this is not what she needs during an already stressful time! With your child, go through her room and weed out old toys, books, clothes, or other belongings that are no longer used. And again, be sensitive to timing. Do this when your child is ready. Some children can be extra sensitive to the sense of loss that can come with letting go of things.
- Bring life into their room. Now is a great time to bring an object into her room that symbolizes hope, growth, and new beginnings. Get a plant and teach her how to take care of it. Set up a little fish tank. Help her cut flowers from the garden and set them up in her room.
- Keep it clean. How your child takes care of his bedroom is really a metaphor for how he takes care of himself. This is a great time to teach your child the importance of self-care—and bedroom care! They are one in the same. Gently encourage your child to develop regular habits of picking up his clothes and toys, sprucing up his room, and making his bed. He will feel so much more comfortable in his room. And when he feels comfortable in his bedroom, he will feel more comfortable in his life!
- Make a comfy nook. Help your child create a place in her bedroom where she can feel cozy and comfy. Maybe this is a reading nook with a chair and a good light, maybe it’s a super soft rug where she can lay and play, or maybe it’s a table by a window where she can paint and draw. The more places your child has to feel grounded and comfortable in her room, the more she will feel these things in life.
- Get new sheets. Sleeping on new sheets is always symbolic of welcoming in a new phase of life. Let your child pick out a new set of sheets that he loves. He will enjoy sleeping with the fresh energy that comes with them!
You are more than likely dealing with big issues right now and just trying to survive day to day. However, in the midst of this, if you can begin to implement even some of the tips mentioned above, your child will feel this support in a huge way. And when your child is happy, you’re happy. Simply put.
What have you done to help your child feel more supported in her bedroom during your separation or divorce? What benefits have you seen in your child? I’d love to hear! Please share in the comments box below!
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